What has He done for me lately?

The Call

2007-06-24T14:18:00.000-04:00

I'm back for the second Sunday running! Yeah. Today at church, we learned of the call to go out and do as Jesus did. We heard a lot of Bible verses (John was preaching, and anyone who's been to our church knows exactly what I mean). They spoke of Jesus telling us to do as He did, and that we would do even greater things than He did. So, I started wondering exactly what it meant to do as Jesus did. I don't truly believe I can walk on water. I don't truly believe that my touch alone could heal the sick. I don't think I could take 5 loaves and a couple fish and feed five thousand. Perhaps if I really believed that I could, I could, but I just can't quite get there. So, how do I be like Jesus?

I also recalled the verse about being in the world but not of it. Which something tells me has to do with the same message. For years, I believed that the common interpretation of this was the correct one. That we should hold ourselves apart, and aloof from the down and dirty events of the world. That while we lived here, we should stay away from the things and people not of God. The more I watch the world, read the Bible, and search for God, the more I am coming to believe that this is not quite what He had in mind.

Lastly, I pondered the first thought that occurred to me. I think Jesus sometimes got tired, sometimes grew weary of the attention He brought by just being who He was. That there were times when He tried to escape to rest. He told us that when He was help up, men would be drawn to Him. But it seems to me that in the story of the stormy seas, the sermon on the Mount, the Wilderness, and many others, Jesus often wanted to step away. The key is that being who He was meant that He had faith, and rather than doing what He wanted, He was Himself, and helped those who called to Him, trusting that God would provide the means, as well as the energy He required to fulfill those demands.

In all of these thoughts, which I admit are a little disjointed, the one message that came through to me was this. God, through Jesus, calls us to be ourselves. I have heard many theories about what it means to be a witness. How we are to go about the duty of creating disciples that was laid on us. Today, by the story of one of our young people, I think I get it. She is currently a campus minister in Mexico at a college. She's home on vacation, and told us of the various activities their ministry conducts every week. But the one that really struck me, wasn't one of the activities that the ministry conducts. It was this. She goes out, almost every day to play flag football with the other students. She jokingly said that it really is ministry, not just fun. But the thing is, she's right. She lives her life with the determination to follow God's will for her. But she also lives her life. She goes to class, she eats, listens to music, makes friends, plays football, and forms relationships with people by doing so. Through those relationships, because she lives her life with God at the center, the folks that she meets by living her life come to see God. Kind of cool, huh?

God made each and every one of us just as we are. He gave us the desire to learn, read, write, play, work, act, swim, etc. Whatever gift you have, come from Him. Whatever weaknesses you have come from Him as well. He tells us He's not done with us yet, that we are all works in progress, but He also tells us that we are who we are because He made us so. Doesn't it then follow that we should do our best to be ourselves? That in doing so, we are fulfilling the plans He has for us, and that in doing so, we will be the witnesses that He calls us to be? To me, that's is not only an awesome thought, but kind of a relief. For so many years, I thought I was supposed to strive to be something I wasn't. That I was supposed to learn to enjoy solemn Sunday morning worship, listen to nothing but hymns, read nothing but the Bible, speak of nothing but God, if I was to be a good Christian. And I knew that there was no way on earth I could ever manage that. I like a great mystery story. I like rock and roll, jazz, blues, folk music. I like to talk politics, with and without mixing in religion. And quite frankly, I don't do solemn well at all. But that's the joy of it. I don't have to. I just have to be myself, share myself, and keep my eyes on God. Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and as for the in the world, not of it theory. That comes back to being like Jesus too. Jesus didn't hang out with the priests. He didn't hang out with the pompous and pious. He hung out with the poor, the weak, the sinful, and showed them what God was all about. In short, He was himself, and wasn't afraid to show that to those who might not understand. He didn't hide behind the righteous religion of the supposed followers of God, condemning all those who didn't know, didn't understand, or couldn't live up to their standards. He went among the people, tirelessly, even when He'd rather be alone, and showed them God's grace. Told them of God's loves. Was the instrument of His infinite mercy and healing. Being in the world means facing the troubles, hardships, and pain of it head on. Meeting it with the love and grace of God, and the gifts and weakness He has blessed you with as the person you are today.

So, this week, as you go through your routines, see the people you see, do your shopping, job, driving, whatever, remember you are a witness for Him. Remember that He has given you all you need to show Him to the world. Just remember to be yourself, and He will do the rest. May you be blessed and loved, and know that just by being, you are a blessing.

To the Father's in My life

2007-06-17T13:42:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a while. I've decided I'd better not make any more promises, as it seems to make it harder to come back to this when I fail. But today is not for that. Today is Father's Day, and I have a story to tell. Actually, I have two.

First, I want to thank God once again for my husband. We heard in church today the a father needs to be present, proactive, and needs to lead by example. My husband asked me after church how I thought he was doing. And all I can say is my children and I have been so richly blessed to have him in our lives. His quiet faith, his examples of respect, perseverance, and compassion are constantly amazing to me. And I have seen such dramatic improvements in my older four children's lives and behavior since he has become a part of our family. And I know that our youngest son will never face the insecurities and heartaches that my older four will. Mainly because he has known since birth that his father loves him, is there for him, and has watched his father set a wonderful example of how to live a happy and fulfilled life that does not focus on things, does not focus on putting on a good face to make an impression on people, but focuses instead on being who you are, being responsible, showing love for the people in your life, and forgiveness for those who need it. That is the first story, and an ongoing blessing that I am so often reminded of, and amazed by.

The second is a different story, and one I have been meaning to write for a while. Today seemed appropriate. I want to thank God today for the amazing man who is my father. My Dad was in the Navy for twenty years. Which meant he was not always present in my life. I think sometimes he regrets that, as he has seen some of the struggles my sisters and I have gone through in life. But I would not have traded that life, or the examples he set by it for anything. Through his service, my father showed me that some things are worth fighting and sacrificing for. He taught me that I should be ever grateful for the freedoms and privileges I have living in this amazing country. And even when he was not there, I knew that I was loved.

There are so many other things my father taught me as I grew up. First, by his example, he showed me God. We did not always go to church. And my parents were by no means perfect people. But they lived their lives with God at the center, with the certain knowledge that He was looking after them, and moving in their lives. And they were both happy to talk of God unashamedly with us. I didn't recognize the value of that as a child, but as an adult, I see what a truly amazing gift that was. My father was also unique in how he spoke with us of his beliefs. My Dad is a pretty bright guy, he was a nuclear electrician's mate, he is extremely good with math, science, as well as English, and artistic stuff. He is also well versed in the beliefs of many religions, not just his own. So when I had questions, as most people do, he could speak to me of what the Bible said, as well as how science viewed things, how other religions worked, and he gave me the ability to form my own conclusions, without fear of asking questions. Without that attitude from him, I would never have grown as close to God as I have in the past years.

My Father gave me a sense of self, not self esteem as the schools preach these days, but a sense of who I was. A sense that I was as good or bad as I chose to be, a sense that who I was did not depend on some one else perceptions or opinions, but on my own choices. I would not have survived the life I have led without that understanding. As importantly, my Father respected the person I was, at any given moment. He might not have liked the things I did sometimes, he may not even have liked the person I was sometimes. But he always treated me as though my thoughts, ideas, opinions and feelings mattered to him. This gave me the strength over the years to demand that others treat me with the same basic respect, and to show others that same respect.

My Dad taught me algebra when I was in third grade, he had me reading the classics when I was eleven, and he had me studying his nuclear electronics manuals around the same time. He taught me how to program in cobal and pascal when the first personal computers were just coming out, I think I was about nine or ten at the time. He taught me how to write an effective letter, how to argue without losing my temper, and that if I did not want a thought known by the world I shouldn't write it down. Some of these things may seem a little advanced for the age I was, and honestly some of it was. Much of it, in and of itself, wasn't much use to me as I got older. But the overall concept that learning was not a school oriented event, that knowledge for the sake of knowledge was valuable, has been an overwhelming boon to my life. More importantly, because my father was never discriminating in what he taught me or talked to me about based on my gender, our social level, or anything like that, I grew up knowing that I was capable of doing anything I chose to do. That is invaluable to me.

Most importantly of all, my Dad made sure I knew I was loved for who I was. That I was accepted for who I was, even when I screwed up. That no matter what, he was my father. And when I turned 18, and he gave me the amazing gift of treating me as the adult I was supposed to be, he also let me know that no matter what he was my friend.

Over the years, and the distance that is between us more often than not, I often forget to stay in touch. I don't see my Dad as often as I'd like. And when I do, we don't often get the chance to sit and shoot the breeze until three in the morning. I miss the conversations of God, politics, philosophy and life that often occur in the wee hours of the morning. I miss the remembered camping trips as we traveled to the next duty station. Where my dad would help us chop the fire wood my sisters and I had gathered, and we would sit and listen to him play guitar and sing around the camp fire. I can still remember that until I moved out of my father's house, whenever he would get his guitar to play for my sister, or later my daughter, I would stop what I was doing to go and listen. I have a wealth or memories from both of my parents, memories of people and experiences, rather than things.

I look at my life now, my children, my husband, and the often rough road I have traveled to get where I am now. And I realize that while I often struggle with bills, two previous husbands often present challenges, and life is sometimes a jumble of activity and strain, I am a happy person, and I have hopes that my children will be happy people when they grow up too. If that is not a successful life, I don't know what is. And I know that if God had not blessed me with the father I have, that success would not have been possible. And if God had not blessed me with the husband I have, that hope for my children would not be nearly as bright.

In church today, I was reminded that not all fathers are what they need to be. I pray for each of you reading this that if you are a father, you will be inspired to be the father you are called to be. If you are a child of a father who wasn't, I pray that you will remember that earthly fathers are human beings, with frailties, faults and insecurities that often keep them from being all they are called to be, but you still have a Father who loves you, and will look after you if you will let Him. Today, I am going to call my Dad, and tell him thank you for all that he has done. I forgave him for the mistakes he thought he made many years ago. I hope you will do the same for yours. May you be blessed in all you do, may you know you are loved, and may you realize the success of being happy in yourself.

The bread of Life

2007-05-06T17:22:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure the title of this is entirely apt, but I wasn't sure what else to call it. God has been moving so tremendously in my life since the last time I wrote, it would probably take several blogs to cover it, and I don't know if I have time. But almost all of it comes back to obedience of one kind or another, which I almost named this. But for now, I want to focus on the main message of our Women's retreat last weekend.

My husband and I, for several weeks, have been looking for a diet that would meet the needs of our entire family. My daughter was having stress aggravated stomach problems, my son struggles with his weight because of genetics, and there is diabetes on his father's side, which we were concerned about. My husband and I have both put on weight since I started my new job, and we want to get healthier. There didn't seem to be a diet that would meet the needs of all of us, without depriving somebody of something they needed. We've been praying about it, and had just about decided on the Atkin's diet, modified for the kids. It wasn't perfect, but seemed to come closest, as I've done it before and had great success. But there were problems with it, most specifically that not all of my kids are here all the time, and I can't control what they eat elsewhere. For anyone who hasn't heard of this diet, it is a good diet, but you must change the way you eat all the time, not just some of the time, or it will just make you fat. It's also a bit expensive.

I didn't want to go to the women's retreat, and had no idea what the subject of the talks would be, or even that there would be talks for that matter. When I got there, I found out that the main talk was called "Do not eat the bread of Idleness". The speaker at this retreat was a woman named Sue Becker, and she has an amazing story. I'm not going to go into all of it, because she tells it much better than I could hope to, but if you want more information on this when you are finished with this blog, you can check out her website at The Bread Beckers. The gist of the talk was that many of the current illnesses in this country can be traced back, scientifically, to the widespread use of white flour. She explained how wheat, when ground fresh and used immediately contains 40 of the 44 vitamins and minerals your body requires to live, as well as most of the fiber your body needs for your digestive track and immune system to function properly. Now, personally, I've never been one for fad diets, and the health nuts that are dead set against anything except the fruits, vegetables, cheeses and meats you can only buy for twice as much money because they're organic make me a little nuts. The women at the retreat had been chattering on and on about "grinding the wheat", as a catch phrase, and I was fully prepared to discount what I heard Saturday morning when Sue gave her talk. Instead, I was impressed by her very knowledgeable speaking about how the body works, how the foods, both processed and unprocessed affect our systems, and how the Bible supports much of the science she explained. It was a very enlightening, and interesting talk. And I looked up at the end and said, "Okay, I get the point." God speaks to us always if we listen.

Thursday I went and bought a wheat mill, wheat, and a few other items I'd need to get started. I went on Thursday because I felt led to go. Truly, I probably shouldn't have spent the money I did, but I really felt led to do it right now. I know myself well enough to know there would always be something else better to spend the money on. So, I picked up my daughter after work. Where she was staying just happens to be near Bread Beckers, so we went across town (which took forever in afternoon traffic), and found our way to the store. We got there at five after five, and they were closed. Sigh. I said, "Well, we can at least pull in and check their hours so we know when to come back." The sign said 9-5 Monday thru Friday, closed Saturday and Sunday. Sigh again. It's hard to get there before 5 during the week. As we were turning around, the door opened, and a lady stepped out. When we rolled down the window, she asked if we had come far. I told her we were just down from Ball Ground, and that I'd been to the retreat, and decided to get started. I also told her we would be happy to come back another day when I could get there earlier. She said wait a minute to make sure she could take a check because she had just closed out her drawer. She was back a minute later to let us in, and proceeded to take us through all the items we would need. Not pressing anything we didn't need yet, not trying to sell us the most expensive of anything, just getting us what we'd need to get a good start. She then took us in the back, demonstrated how the wheat mill worked, let us try some rolls she'd baked during the day, and helped us out to the car with our purchases. It was a pleasant and informative transaction, with a very nice woman, and overall very comfortable. It was also entirely above and beyond on her part, because our little shopping foray must have made her at least a half hour late getting off, and she was friendly, and not rushed the entire time.

So, that was pretty cool. The next obstacle was concern that my kids wouldn't eat the stuff. I tried several items at the retreat, and they were really good. But kids can be a little weird. I got home, and made some bread. Not only did they eat it, they wanted more, and since Thrusday, all of my kids, except my daughter (she has a kitchen phobia I think), have been asking to help me bake. We've tried several recipes in the recipe collection I was given with the wheat mill, and they have all been delicious. I'm looking forward to trying more.

The really ideal thing about this is that it is healthy. Even the honey used in most recipes, if you use the right kind, can be eaten by pretty much anyone, including diabetics. The bread and cookies and cakes, and the rest of it, taste good, give you the nutrition you need, are filling so you don't have to eat a ton to feel full, and help your system to maintain it's balance. Plus it's fun to cook, doesn't take long, and for us at least, has become a way to spend time together to do something fun and valuable for my kids to learn for later in life.

I think in closing, I'll refer to the verse that was the basis for our retreat "Taste and see that the Lord is Good." God is more than good, and by being obedient, we allow Him to bless us more than we could have possibly known. I hope you all have a blessed and joy filled week. Listen carefully for His direction, then follow His commands with joy, and just see where it takes you, because He is Good. 'Til next time.

Notes from Beyond

2007-04-23T21:40:00.000-04:00

This has been an amazingly intense week. Some good, some bad, some really bad, and all of it leading to good, as always. My daughter is home for good now. A temporary agreement has been reached, and a final one will be soon. The events precipitating this were drastic, and when I get a little more perspective, I'll relate them here. For now, I am just continuing to trust that God is controlling the events as they unfold, and all of them will eventually turn into something amazing, as they always do.

As a result of the turmoil going on the last couple of weeks though, my thoughts have been a little heavy and deep, and I needed a reminder of the lighter overview. As I was surfing the web, I wandered over to one of my favorite blogs on Right Nation, a site I frequent regularly. Ilja, the lady who writes this blog, is having a rough time, and related it to us with amazing grace and faith, and I was moved by that alone. As I was scrolling down though, I ran across something in her sidebars that I'd read before, and wanted to put here. So I asked if I could borrow it, and link her site here. So, if you are looking for more stories of inspiration, questions to ponder, and interesting debate on God, the meaning of life, religion, and more, check out the link. In the meantime, read on.

Prescribed by the Great Physician

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...'
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was...
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
..AND Lazarus was dead!

Now, don't you feel a little better about yourself? As we wander through this life, struggling to be who we are supposed to be, failing often, falling hard, and tiring fast, remember that God uses us for His purpose, and He makes us perfect for His plan. All we have to do is commit to him, and do our best, He will take care of the rest.
I was a day late this week, as is happening too often. Next week I will probably also be late, as I'll be out of town at my very first Women's Retreat for church. I almost canceled with all that's been happening. But I signed up because I believed God was calling me to go, so I'm going because I believe God is calling me to go still. I'll see you when I get back. Betwixt now and then, I hope you have a blessed and awesome week, filled with God, who is all we need.

Abundance

2007-04-15T21:55:00.000-04:00

I know it's been two weeks, and I've got to apologize for missing without letting you guys know first. We were out of town on Palm Sunday, and were supposed to be on Easter as well. Even though we weren't we were up 'til after midnight waiting on my mom and daughter to return from Virginia, and I was a little distracted.

It's been an amazing couple of weeks, and I don't know where to start. There have been so many things that God has done, big and small. The biggest, and best, though is that my daughter wants to come home. I can't even begin to express the sheer joy of that! Since I initially temporarily lost custody of my oldest two children to my first husband, and subsequently agreed not to fight a permanent custody change because the kids asked me not to, I have prayed not only for their well being, but also that at some point they would come home. And by doing what was right, instead of what was easy, or what I wanted, my daughter had the option of coming home without a fight and without feeling pressured by me. I am truly amazed at God's grace, His love and His ability to work all things for His good.

My oldest son has also decided he likes to go to rendezvous with us, he had a terrific time at the event that had us out of town on Palm Sunday, as did my three youngest. They all managed to have fun, as well as make a little money of their own at the event. And they are completely excited about the prospect of doing more, even though they got rained on, and predicted hail and thunderstorms caused us to cut the week short. Not only that, but all the other participants at the event took the time to be kind, helpful and encouraging to all the kids, even my three year old. For icing on the cake, my husband's father and best friend came down from South Dakota for the event with us, so we got in a great visit as well. While all that went on, my daughter had a wonderful week with my mom and sisters, and had the opportunity to get her head and heart settled down, and seems to be doing a tremendous amount better.

All that was amazing. One more though. My husband, being the truly awesome gift from God that he is, is completely supportive of my daughter moving back in. We both know it will have its own challenges, we know there will be things we need to rearrange, and that we're going to have to make some changes around here, namely getting a bigger house just for starters. But it doesn't matter. Because his reaction wasn't can we do this, it was simply "Okay, so what are we going to need to do, and how are we going to do it?" The other cool thing is that he doesn't laugh when I say I don't know just yet, but that I know God will take care of it.

So, this week, as you go along in life, remember that good things sometimes take time. Remember that doing the right thing is important, even when it seems to cost you. And remember, always, that God is in control, He sees the big picture, and if you let Him, He will take care of all you need, in His own time. May you be blessed, may your prayers be answered, and may your heart be filled with joy and peace and the knowledge of the risen saviour. He loves you, and He's waiting to lead you home, even if that means leading someone back home to you. 'Til next time.

God's Mercy

2007-03-25T21:43:00.000-04:00

It's Sunday again, and I nearly forgot this task tonight. It's been a rough weekend. My daughter is having some deep troubles, that I am only now becoming aware of. Troubles that are leading me to have to take actions, but I don't see a clear path. I had the first anxiety attack of more than a year this morning because of it. And then, I had to skip church because she and one of my sons was sick this morning. Altogether, not a good start to the day.

About noon, I found myself crying on my bed, broken, exhausted, anxious, and confused. Praying in a broken, please help, please show me the way. I wept silently, while my family went on about the things they were doing. I wept alone, but not really. Because I know God was there.

The larger problems haven't been resolved, and will take time. And that's okay, because they weren't the ones causing me such distress. There was a more immediate issue. We've been planning an event over spring break for more than two months. The plans are all set, including company coming in for it from out of town. Up until recently, all of the kids, including my daughter, have been excited, and for the most part content with the trip. And Friday, my daughter announced she would not go. That she would run away if I made her. That if I brought her home with me for the days I will have to work, it would leave her in another kind of danger. And that she wanted to go to Savanna with a friend she knows from online. A girl she has been corresponding with for three years. Her best friend. Who lives in South Carolina, whose parents I do not know. My gut screamed no to that, as a parent. I could not agree to send her off with someone I did not know for a week, far away from home, especially with some of the difficulties she'd been describing to me. But at the same time, I did not feel confident that forcing her to go to the event with us was a good idea either. Her concerns with the trip were to some degree valid, and her determination to make trouble over it loomed large. At the same time, I couldn't cancel the plans, and I wouldn't penalize everyone else. So, I was at a loss.

I prayed, and I prayed some more. I called my ex-husband, and set up to meet with him to discuss what was going on, and what needed to be done for the long term. And I called my sister. And I bawled my eyes out. I got all of the thoughts rolling through my head out in the open. I had already talked to my husband. He, as always, was my angel. He leant me an ear, he gave me support, he talked to my daughter. He was my rock. But he is close to the situation, and I needed to talk to someone a little bit outside it. So, I talked to my sister, and I felt better. No closer to a solution for my immediate problem, but at least clear headed to think.

I went about hanging out with my sons, getting ready for a water balloon fight. Getting dinner started. Doing the day to day, with a lighter heart, and a calmer mind. And my phone rang. It was my other sister. She offered to come get my daughter, and let her go visit with her and my mother for the week. Because she loves me, because she loves my daughter. But really, she called me because God loves me, and He moves in our lives when we call to Him. He sends his angels to work for us whenever we are in need.

There is still more turmoil to come. There is still a lot to be worked out between my ex-husband and I to do what is best for our children. But I am no longer afraid of that struggle. I never doubted that God had His hands in this. I never doubted that my prayers would be answered. But I have learned that the answers sometimes take time. Today I was reminded that God, while He works at His own pace, has perfect timing. I was reminded that He will give us exactly what we need, when we need it. And I am at peace knowing that He is in control.

To all of you, may your eyes be open, may your ears be open, and may your hearts be open to see what He is doing in your storms. And may you take heart, and have faith, that He works all things to the good. God bless you and keep you until next time.

The Challenge

2007-03-18T22:20:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! It's got to be short tonight because I have a wonderful husband who likes to make sure I get enough sleep, and it's already past my bedtime. But, I missed my deadline last week, and didn't want to do that again.

So here goes for tonight. God did something amazing for me this morning. He brought me to church, which isn't uncommon, and He sent an awesome message, which also isn't uncommon, but it was still pretty cool. Our assistant pastor was preaching this morning, and the church has been doing something kind of neat since the beginning of Lent. Our services have been a series called Godquest, and the multimedia stuff they've been using is nifty. It involves screen shots from Google Earth, and the panning pictures. This week, we visited Napa so we could discuss grapes and vines.

I don't have time to go into all the details tonight of the incredible impact the message of pruning and cutting, and bearing fruit only when we are attached to Jesus has on me in that hour this morning. I will get into them later this week though. I'm making a promise that by Wednsday night I will have another post going more into the sweetness of the message this weekend. For tonight, I want to focus on the charge we were given today.

At the end of the service, we were challenged to reach out to those around us. Frankly, I don't know many people around here, and those I do know either already go to my church, or attend their own churches regularly. So, I was a little flummoxed as to how I was going to invite someone to come with me next week. But, I realized I can still accept that charge from God. Are you sad, lonely, tired, fed up, angry, a little bit lost, or maybe you're doing great, but there's something a little missing? Awesome, because God is just waiting for you. The people at our church, and those in many others are already praying for you. It doesn't matter that we don't know your name, your story, or your troubles. We're praying for you anyway, and it's working, because God knows your name, your story and your troubles. He knew them before you were even born, and He's just waiting for you to turn to Him. We're here, and I mean every Christian out there, to invite you to come get to know Him. We're here to show you that no matter where you are, what you've done, or what has happened to you, He loves you. Because the truth is, somewhere among us, there is someone who is worse than you. There is someone whose sin is greater, whose sorrow is stronger, whose background is darker than yours, and we all have one thing in common, with each other, and with you. God loves us anyway, He sent his Son to die so that we didn't have to be afraid of our weakness, our failings and our fears.

So, today, I issue everyone of you who reads this an invitation. It's not my invitation, it's His. Find a church this coming Sunday, and join those who worship Him. Go with an open and broken heart, ask for Him to take your life and your heart as His. Ask Him to be your Father. You won't regret it. And if you happen to life in North Georgia, come visit with us at Liberty Hill United Methodist church. Services are at 11, we meet at the Cherokee High School in Canton, GA, and we're expecting you.

For those of you who are afraid, unsure, or dissillusioned with church. I understand, I've been there. If you don't feel ready to meet Him in His house, but you want to know more, I have an invitation to you as well. You can either post comments on this blog, and I will happily respond, or if you are not ready to post your thoughts publicly, you can email me at authenticwitness@yahoo.com. This is a dedicated email, strictly for this site. I will answer it. I may not have the answer for you, but I can tell you what I do know of Him. And I will continue to share what He does for me here.

Until next time, may He bless you, and may you be a beacon for Him to the world.

Why?

2007-03-12T21:53:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered why? I remember during a very difficult period in my life having a conversation with my babysitter. He was 18, and what he described as a Messianic Jew. I posed the question of why God would have made all of us. It was an interesting conversation. I still don't know the answer. But this week I need to talk to you a little bit about why. Because it is a question that always comes back to me in one form or another around Easter time, as I am reminded of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.

Several years ago, my Grandfather, who is a retired Baptist minister and missionary, sent me a book for Christmas. This was while I was married to my second husband. He has been sending me Christian books, CDs and other materials for Christmas for years, and I almost never read them when I get them. But, I know he is following God's direction, because they are always there at hand when I need them. I did not stumble upon this book again until Easter the following year. By this time, I was deep in depression, feeling more lost and alone than I had ever felt in my life, and I did not see an end. My father and step mother were coming to visit over Easter, and my father asked me if I could find a church we could go to that Sunday. God really is pretty cool. He knew I needed a church. I'd been praying about finding one, and I had been putting it off because I was afraid. I couldn't take anymore rejection or judgement. I didn't feel worthy of love or acceptance, and I was not willing to take the chance. But I love my father dearly, and I knew it was important. I also knew that the piece that was missing in my life was God. So I prayed again, that I would find the right church within the first week or two. And I did. The first one I walked into made me cry, and filled the hole inside me a little bit. I kept going back, even after Easter passed. But this isn't a story about that journey. It is about the first answer to the question of why.

Before my Dad came, I ran across "The Gift for All People" by Max Lucado. If you haven't read it, you need to. It will break your heart, and fill you with such unspeakable joy at the same time. I cried my way through the entire book, and by the time I went to church with my Dad and step-mom, I knew, in a way I never had before that Jesus had come here, gone through unspeakable pain, suffering and sorrow, for the sole purpose of saving me individually, and us all as a whole. It was an awakening, and started me on my journey back to God.

This is several years later now. My life is much more mellow, if still brimming with too much to do. And I have once again begun to ask why. I mean, I know that Jesus came to save us from our sins. He was crucified to be a sacrifice for the rest of us. But I still had to ask, why? I mean, this is God after all, and surely there had to be a better way. No, that's not heresy. That is simply a human being not quite getting the larger picture. So, I've been pondering this question in the back of my mind. And suddenly last Friday, I realized I had read the explanation in my Bible a few weeks ago. I can't even remember now which verse it was that triggered the understanding, but it came none the less, and I needed to share it with you. I finally get why it had to be done this way.

Jesus came so that when we cry out "My demons are after me," He says "I have been there."
"For forty wilderness days and nights he was tested by the Devil." Luke 4:1-2

When we cry out "I am afraid, I don't want to do this, I can't handle it." He says "I have been there."
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

When we cry out "I have been betrayed by those I loved and trusted." He says "I have been there."
"While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, 48but Jesus asked him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" Luke 22:47-48

When we cry out "We are abandoned and alone in the darkness." He says "I have been there."
"From noon to three, the whole earth was dark. Around mid-afternoon Jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" Matthew 27:45-46

He did all of this for us. When we are broken, lost and sunken in despair, when there is nothing left, and we find ourselves curled on the floor in the darkness. When the fear crashes in on us like an avalanche, seconds from crushing us to dust. When the helplessness and despair blows cold, snatching our last breath. When the loneliness, helplessness, emptiness vices around our hearts, and we are sure the next beat will be its last. When the darkness covers us, He came so He could say, because I have been there, I know the way home. Because I have been there, in the darkness, and I had faith, I am the light. He came so that He could say to us with confidence, compassion, and infinite love, I have been here, and I have come back to you to lead you home, if you will only follow me.

Isn't that a totally amazing gift? I still don't know why God made the world, knowing what we would do, the pain we would cause Him, and the sacrifice He would have to make. But I finally understand why He made the sacrifice, and I am humbled by the overwhelming love. For those of you out there reading this who have come through your own darkness, remember that He has charged you to be His hands and feet, His shining light in the world so that others can find their way home.

For any of you who are still lost in your darkness, this message is for you as well. It doesn't matter how far away you think you are. Whatever your demons, be they fear, addiction, anger, loss, sorrow, or anything else, He is waiting for you to reach for His hand. He came for you, so He would know the way home. If you have stumbled here in your wanderings today, He's calling you, and I pray this helps you hear Him.

Until next time, may God bless each and every one of you. May His grace and love give your life purpose, and may you hear Him in each breath and beat of your heart.

The Little Things

2007-03-04T21:18:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Sunday, and I promised I'd write, but I have to tell you, I can't think of what I want to say. It's not that God hasn't been doing amazing things for me this past week. He has, but there isn't one story that stands out as being what I'm supposed to talk about. There is a long saga, playing in the back of my head, that will probably cover several weeks worth of blogs. There is a laundry list of nifty things that have come up this past week. But in the whirlpool of thoughts that seem to swim through my head all day every day, there hasn't been that one that slides to the surface and holds long enough for me to catch it.

This week, my eight and nine year old came back from their Dad's house. They were well behaved for the two days they were here before they went back for the weekend. I got off on time both days, and because we gave up TV between 7-9 at night as part of lent, we hung out and had fun both nights. They're a little worried about their Dad and Stepmom, and so am I. But their concern gave us a chance to talk again about God's power in our lives when we are fighting and having trouble. To reiterate that you don't have to fight, and that prayer is the best answer when those you love do. We also took time out to make sure we prayed at dinner, and my nine year old said grace very nicely the first night. I miss those morning prayers, and this reminded me to make it a point to say evening ones with them from now on.

The rest of the week saw us catching up at work. I got to play with my three year old, and once again be amazed by his grasp of the alphabet, numbers, pictures, and the world around him. He is growing so fast, but he still likes to climb up on my lap on the couch when we watch TV, and one of his favorite things to do right now is tell you he loves you too.

We found out for sure that my father in law, and one of our best friends are definitely coming down over the first week of April to go to a Historical Rendevouz. My husband is tremendously excited, both about the event, and the company. My kids are all excited about going to the event too, which was a blessing in itself, as I was sure I'd have to fight with my daughter, and probably my oldest son about it as well. Our finances have even taken enough of an upturn in the past month to let us catch all the way up, and build an inventory for the event. And we've about gotten back to even with orders, so our business is ready to grow again. And this time we'll have the tools in place to grow by God's grace instead of drowning in the rain because we weren't prepared.

My daughter happily agreed to babysit for my youngest this weekend so that my husband and I could go see Amazing Grace on our own. We haven't seen a movie without at least the little one with us since he moved down here. Not only was it a blessing to have a date with my husband, which I have missed, it was an outstanding movie that both of us enjoyed. On top of that, my daughter decided to hang out here for the rest of the weekend instead of going straight back to her Dad's house, so we had a nice visit.

In other words, it has been a week of little blessings. It would be easy to look at the week and see that nothing tremendous has happened. It would be easy to look back and find things that irritated, or didn't go quite as planned. It would be so simple to overlook God in the week just past. I'm so glad that I am reminded daily that God moves me, and moves in my life to provide me with average weeks, that run smoothly and simply, with simple joys and pleasures. I remember still when life was hard, filled with fear, tragedies, storms and battles. I remember times when life was steady, easy, smooth, and totally empty because God was missing. I am so grateful to know that He is in the good times, and not just the bad ones.

So, this week, remember to praise Him for the little things. They are the moments that make up a lifetime, and when He is in them, the big things are easier to deal with when they come to make waves in your life. I hope you have a blessed week, with God in your heart, whether it's a big or little week for you. See you next Sunday.

The Answer

2007-03-01T21:23:00.001-05:00

I am weary of war, both here at home in our politics, and abroad where the troops' lives are on the line. As most sane people do, I want peace. I want an end to bloodshed, I want to be done with news of deaths, bombs, and threats. If I truly thought pulling out of

Iraq

would accomplish that goal, I would join the ranks of those calling for just that. But history tells us that the panacea those folks are preaching is at best wishful thinking, and at worst willful murder. The

USA

will not be allowed to back down. Should we begin a retreat, the forces driving the evil coming out of the Middle East will sweep in behind us, slaughtering millions, invading their neighbors, attacking Europe, and eventually bringing the war once again to US shores. Every time the

United States

has backed down from its promises it has resulted in death and destruction to the innocents we turned away from. Eventually it leads right back to where we are now, but with a much higher cost.

So, this message is for my fellow Christians around the world. I am asking you to join me in prayer. The Lord tells us that through Him all things are possible, and that prayer is our strongest weapon.

Lord, we’re in a mess, and we have for too long not turned to you for guidance in the larger affairs of the world. Today, we ask that you will be the sword and shield for the men and women fighting to save your children from the darkness in the Middle East, Africa and around the world. Please keep them safe, and stand with them, that they may be strong and invincible. We ask that you give them peace and hope in the midst of the storms they face each day that others may live in the freedom you gave us at our creation.

We ask that you will move in the hearts and minds of our leaders around the world. Give them the wisdom to make the right choices, to stand strong and true for what is just and right, and to lead us to victory in the face of criticism. We know that you are over governments, and that you can and will use this current crisis to your good. We know too that how hard it will be directly relates to how willing we are to follow you. Please Lord give us the will and the stamina to do what is right.

We ask that those who are wavering, calling for reconciliation, those who wish to make accommodation with evil will be reminded of you words to the Corinthians:

“Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership (in other translations this is peace); that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

Let their fear of failure, their quest for power and personal glory be laid to rest, and let them come together to stand strong and faithful in the face of evil.

Lastly Lord, we know that our troops are strong, that you are with them, and that they can crush the enemies we face. But we also know that is not enough to bring a lasting peace. We know your Son is the Prince of Peace, and we know that only through Him shall peace come. So Lord, we ask that you move among the followers of Islam. We ask that you speak to the hearts of their leaders, and call them out of evil as you did Saul. And if they still harden their heart against you, we ask that you still use them to the good, as you did with Pharaoh in Egypt. We ask that you show us the path to be your shining light in the darkness of the Middle East and Africa. Give us the means, and the direction to bring your peace and love to those who have been held in bondage and ignorance, either never having heard of you or having been taught to turn their face from you, and their hand against those who follow you. It is easy for us to hate these people, it is easy for us to desire to use the force of arms you have graced us with to eliminate these people from the earth. But your scripture also tells us:

"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves.” Matthew 5:43

Lord, give us the grace to love our enemies, and the courage to heed your call. We place ourselves at your service, and say now, in this time, in this place, send me. We thank you for the many blessings you have graced our lives with, for the mercy you have shown us as we have tried to go our own way, and for the sure knowledge that you are with us, and are mighty to save us from all things.

Amen

God is the answer folks, to each and every thing in our lives. It is time we started to use the strongest weapon He gave us. Pray this prayer, and be prepared to be obedient when he calls you. There are more than 2 billion Christians in the world today. He tells us that prayer by one of us is heard and acted upon, but that when we pray together as a body, all things are possible. So please pass this on, pray it unceasingly, send it to your prayer groups, and let’s start making a joyful noise, in the sure knowledge that God will bring his peace if we but ask and are faithful.

For those of you who read both of my blogs, I apologize ahead of time for the duplication, but this message is for everyone, and needs to be spread as far as possible.

May His blessings be upon you and His peace fill you wherever you may be.

New Beginnings

2007-02-25T15:17:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a short post, and I hope to do another one this evening, but I had to tell you about Friday morning at work. It's been a long week. We've all been working overtime, coming in an hour early, leaving an hour late, and we found out Thrusday that we would have to work Saturday morning. Truthfully, I don't mind. It's a nice boost to my check, I enjoy the work, and the way they spread the extra hours a little before and a little after our normal schedule doesn't put too much of a bump in the normal flow of my life. But, by Friday, we were all a little tired, and a little bummed about having to come in on Saturday. Nothing major, nothing drastic, just some good natured grumbling, and a general sense of weariness.

It's dark when we get to work in the morning at this time of year. So we were working along quietly, trying to go as fast as possible in the hopes that we wouldn't have to do it again next week, and suddenly one of the ladies I work with said to another, look at those colors, with a sense of joy. I glanced out the windows that are high up on the far wall. The red, purple light was absolutely glorious. It was one of those sunrises that in winter leaves the bare tree limbs starkly black, with a backdrop of deep color and light. The message went through our area of the plant, look at that gorgeous sunrise. Our boss, rather than being annoyed at the interuption and momentary distraction from the job at hand, stopped a moment to wonder and exclaim over it with the rest of us. I think she may have actually called one of the other supervisors in a different area of the plant to point it out to her as well. Then one of the other ladies commented, only God can make colors like that.

We all got back to work, a little lighter, a little faster, and smiling.

Sunrises and sunsets have always been a particular miracle for me. I've never been sure why, exactly, because it doesn't really matter to me if it's a glowing riot of color as it was on Friday, or a liquid gray lightening of the darkness. At sunset, I don't care if the sky turns pink and purple, or if it slowly fades from gold to silver to dark. If I am lucky enough to be reminded to watch, I am filled with a sense of God's presence. Sunrise is a promise of new beginnings, a promise of God's influence in the day to come. Sunset is a promise of rest, knowing that God is watching over me, guarding my sleep until morning comes again. Sounds kind of corny, but it has always been that way for me.

In the midst of a mediocre week, neither good nor bad. In the middle of mild weariness, and the day to day details, God graced us. Not only with His painting of the sky, but with the promise of His presence, and His welcome in the place where we spend so many hours of our days. I was reminded, once again, never to take it for granted that the sun will rise tomorrow, but to take it on faith that God will be there just the same.

He's had some other pretty neat messages for me this week, and I plan to get to another of them this evening. I hope to see you then. In the meantime, may you treasure each and every sunrise, breath easy with every sunset, and know that He is here with you all the day and night between.

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

2007-02-19T17:45:00.000-05:00

I know, it's Monday, not Sunday. I was really glad I'd posted Friday when I crawled into bed last night and realized I hadn't posted here. I was working on the dreaded taxes, listening to a great story, and suddenly looked up and realized that it was after midnight. Oops. So, for those of you who were looking for this last night, my sincerest apologies. On the other hand, God hadn't quite clarified what I was supposed to tell you about here yesterday, and by this morning, I knew the story I was supposed to tell. So, He once again works all things to the good.

While I was driving to work this morning, I was contemplating what I was going to write to you good people. The truth is, God does so many things for me each and every day, it is sometimes difficult to focus on a coherent message to post here. You would get pretty bored if I just kept repeating God Rocks over and over, without explaining why. But, some days, that's exactly what comes to mind, and I have to settle, and listen, and wait for the message for that day to come through. Yesterday, I had begun thinking of what I wanted to talk about, and I knew it was time to discuss my husband. There is an amazing story between us, that only fully crystalized for me a week or two ago, and I really wanted to share it, but this morning, as I knew I had to get back and finish the dreaded taxes, I also knew I really didn't have time today to do the story justice. So, I was casting around for a shorter tale to tell you of the amazing gifts God has placed in my life.

I was listening to, what else, Christian rock on the radio as I drove in. I absolutely adore The Fish, and I almost always listen to it when I'm in the car. It keeps me bouncing along, and gets me to work in a great mood, and then home in a great mood, no matter if I've had no sleep, a lousy day, or hit a traffic jam. It also, occasionally, speaks to me when I've been praying. This morning, they did an interview with an author of a book, I believe it was called "Captivated", but I'm not entirely sure. The author was talking about how women are born asking the question, "Do you see me? Am I lovely?", and keep asking that throughout their lives. At first, I was a little put off by that message. I mean, come on, how shallow. But, as she talked, I realized that once again, my radio was God's messenger. She spoke of the need for women to go to God with that question. That God put that question there for us to ask Him, and that He answers with a resounding YES, regardless of where we are when we ask Him. This in turn led me back to the story of my husband.

In future posts, as I gather the time and courage to tell more of my story, because it needs to be told for the true impact of His daily gifts to be understood, I will explain more of why I find the rest of this story to be so awe inspiring. For now, suffice it to say that I was asking the wrong people that question for most of my life. And then God sent me my husband.

Yesterday morning, my husband walked up to me, after he had done all the dishes, and told me I was beautiful. No particular reason. Later, as we were puttering around the house, he told me that he thanks God for me being in his life all the time. Again, no particular reason. And it struck me that he does that all the time. It doesn't matter if I've just woken up, and my hair is a wreck. It doesn't matter if I'm wandering around in sweats. It doesn't matter if I'm dressed to the nines. He invariably walks up to me, sometimes several times a day, and tells me I'm beautiful. Even cooler, he means it every time. It doesn't matter if I've been lazy and haven't moved my butt from in front of the computer or off the couch, or if I've busted my butt cleaning, or if I've been cranky, or sweet, or just somewhere in between. He invariably comes up to me and tells me he loves me, he appreciates me, he thanks God for me. And he means it. And I am amazed. After all the things that have happened in my life, after all of the bad to very bad decisions I have made, after all of the heartache, and troubles, mostly brought on because I was walking away from God, He blessed me with this man to call my partner, my husband, and my friend.

Some of you, who are just starting out, and still in the glow of new love, are scratching your head right now, thinking your spouse does that too, and always has. Some of you are grouching to yourselves that your spouse used to be like that, but maybe isn't so much anymore. But some of you, who have been as blessed as I have, with adversity to appreciate this awesome blessing are smiling, nodding, and perhaps wiping away a happy tear. And maybe some of you haven't found God's partner for you yet. To all of you, remember that God places angel's in our lives. It may be your spouse, it may be a friend, it may even be a stranger, but they are all around us, and there because God loves us, and chooses to show us through the grace of those we meet. Appreciate those angels, for they are God's gift that keeps on giving. And just as importantly, remember that He may be calling you to be His angel for someone else in need.

Hug your wife or husband, kiss your kids, and smile at all you meet, for He is with you, and He is awesome. Until next time, may you be blessed with many angels, and if you are in darkness, and you don't see any angels near, remember that the greatest angel of all is never gone from your side, for Christ is always with you, and will bear your burdens with you if you'll let him. God's peace and love 'til we meet again.

Unseen Miracles

2007-02-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

I know it's not Sunday yet, but I was thinking about something today, and I just had to drop a note. I was listening to the radio this morning, tuned into our local Christian rock station. They were talking about the difficulties that Jet Blue had with several of its planes yesterday, and how some people had been stuck on board a plane for 11 hours on the runway, and then debarked. The general consensus seemed to be that they would be really ticked off about that situation, and that it never should have happened.

The more I thought about that, the more I questioned that premise. In reading the Bible, one of the very consistent facts is that God uses all things for the good, and He is in control. So, as Christians, if we believe what the Bible says to be true, then doesn't it follow that perhaps there was a reason for the inconvenience of so many? I know, sounds silly. But let me ask you a question. How often have you been late leaving for work, or school, or an appointment, totally stressed out, and mad because you were running behind. You're driving along, and suddenly pass an accident on the highway. Does it ever occur to you that had you left on time, had your day worked out at you planned it, that body on the side of the road might have been yours?

I remember numerous times throughout my life where things have gone haywire, the power went out, dinner burnt, the car wouldn't start, and on and on. Each and every time, if I looked, something good would come out of it. So, back to the folks on the plane. How do we know that there wasn't a family that needed to be reminded how to talk to eachother, and this was the best way. How do we know that the passengers wouldn't have been hurt or killed had the plane taken off on time. How do we know that perhaps there were people on the plane that God needed to talk with, who couldn't hear him in the everyday hubbub of the world. Perhaps there were people on the plane who needed to take time to stop being angry, show eachother their appreciation, or just take some time to rest. We can't know why those planes were delayed for so long, but we can be sure that God had His hands in it somewhere.

So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of the ruins of all your plans, when life spins out of your control, and you are beginning to get frustrated with everything, take a moment to stop, breath, and thank God for whatever is happening in that moment. This was Paul's philosophy while he waited patiently in prison for God. So too, must it be ours. In the midst of our troubles, God may very well be working miracles for us. Or perhaps, He isn't doing anything for us, but we are a part of someone else's miracle that day. And isn't that just a cool thought!

Until Sunday, may He bless you and keep you, and may all your challenges be met with smiles, for He is there by your side.

God's Call

2007-02-11T17:02:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been a year now since I've posted here. God has once again smacked me upside the head and told me to get back to His work, instead of getting so wrapped up in my own affairs. So, before I move on to how exactly He called me back here, I intend to make a promise, both to Him and you. I will be updating this blog every week, before Midnight on Sundays. I believe He is calling me to do it more often, as He does pretty cool stuff for me every single day, but I know myself well enough to know that I need to start off with a committment I know I can and will keep, and then proceed from there. I have to build the habit first, and then add to it, or the habit won't stick. So, I'll see you here next week with the next installment on the story of what the good Lord is doing in a simple woman's life.

Now, on to the call that brought me to the decision to make this committment. Several months ago, my nine year old son came home from visitation with his father. He told me his stepmother had read my blog and told him that someone had taken pity on us and given us a van. Needless to say, I was a little nonplussed. I didn't think that I had failed that badly in relating the story of God's love and intervention in a difficult time, and I certainly didn't like the fact that my son was being told we were an object of pity. I once again sat down, and related to my son my belief that this was an example of God's answer to prayer, and how it was a wonderful reminder that when things appear hopeless, if you trust in Him, He will provide all that you need. Then I moved on, and didn't think too much more about it.

I stayed at the restaurant until last November, and it was a job filled will laughter, fun, and new experiences. I was promoted to Assistant Manager, and enjoyed the job for quite a while, and then I didn't. It wasn't where I was supposed to be any longer. God had accomplished whatever goal He had for me there, and I began looking for another job. I actually started looking the first time in July, and God told me wait, that it wasn't time yet. I made the decision to leave in November, and once again started looking. The first job I got in touch with a person on led to and interview the next day, and a job offer before I left. Not only that, it was steady, the hours matched closely to the hours my kids are in school, and I get to play with books all day, which as I may have hinted at before, are some of my favorite things to play with. I didn't find out until later, after I started, that this is also a Christian company. The managers pray before meals, when we all gather together. The Christmas party is used as an opportunity to pray together, as well as a time to honor the retired members of the company, who are invited to join us for lunch. There is a quiet serenity, in which I can read my Bible at lunch, and rather than be looked askance at, the people I work with will strike up a conversation about their church, their reading of the Bible, and their faith. This is all unashamed, unpushy, and joyfully done, and I could not be more awed at the blessing of finding such a workplace in today's society.

As part of this new job, my finances are finally evening out tremendously. Not that the last year had not seen improvement in this area already, but anyone who has worked as a server in a restaurant knows that tips are a hard income to gauge. And I am grateful to know how much my paycheck will be each week for the first time in more than eight years.

I know this sounds off the point, but it isn't. A few weeks ago, my eight year old son apparently had trouble finding pants in the morning before school the day he was going to his father's for visitation. When they returned, my nine year old told me that his stepmother had told him that the reason they couldn't find pants was because we were too poor to buy them enough clothes. I must admit I was a little upset by this. Now, this information came from a nine year old, and I have no way of knowing what was actually said. But that he was left with the impression that we were somehow impoverished irritated me. Especially since when his father and I first split up, I truly got a taste of what it was to be poor, and we are far from there now. I sat down, and at first defensively discussed with him the fact that the reason they could sometimes not find pants in the morning might have more to do with the fact that they tend to hide their dirty clothes under the bed or on the floor in their closet instead of in the laundry area. I know this because our drier broke before Christmas, and we were drying all the laundry once a week at the laundry mat, and everyone had enough clothes to last them between trips. I then, somewhat less defensively, discussed with them the fact that there are many more important things than money. That in our house, we have enough food, we have electricity, and a phone. We have a TV, and clothes, and most importantly of all, we have each other, and are generally happy. I explained that God had given us all of the things that we need, and often many of the things we just want, and that being rich was not as important as being happy. I explained that we would probably never have as much money as his father, but as long as we were happy in our lives, and trusted in God, we didn't need to. And then we all went about our business, eating the dinner I had been cooking during this conversation, having baths, watching TV, getting homework done, and so on. And I grew quietly angry.

I was angry for two days. This new job is wonderful, but it leaves me with entirely too much time to think if I am angry. I spent that first day with my mood growing more and more foul. How dare this woman make my children feel bad about living with me? How dare she imply a deficiency in my ability to provide for my children? Where did she and my ex-husband get off making me have to defend my lifestyle to my children, and in the process expose them to the insecurity those kinds of comments bring? I was really mad. The second day, started no better. I spent the ride to work listening to Christian radio, and getting more and more gloomy. I spent the morning being irritable. And I spent lunch reading my Bible. I don't know what I read that day. I started in Romans a week after I started the job, and have been steadily moving on from there. I do know that I spent the afternoon praying, though. I asked God to help me to stop being angry. I asked him to help me figure out how to address the problem. I asked him to give me the words, and the calm to speak to this other woman who spends so much time with my children, and convince her to stop insulting me to my children. And then, I left it in His hands, and cleared the matter from my mind and heart. I don't like being angry, it's a wasted emotion, and I had already spent way too much time on it.

Now, I could end the story there, and God would have accomplished the goal of me trusting Him to take care of things, and not let those things worry me. But that wasn't the end of the story. I started to think of these two incidents again a week or two later, and see them in a totally different light. In each of those stories, there was a common factor. My son came to me with a concern, regardless of its source, and in so doing gave me the opportunity to share my faith and God's abundance with my child. It's our job as parents to share these things with our kids, but it is so often easy to forget to do this for them. To share the thoughts and reasons, the daily events in our lives that reinforce our faith, and our knowledge of God's enduring love. I was given an amazing blessing when my son came to me looking for answers, and I thank God that I had the presence of mind, even if I didn't understand the blessing at the time, to use those opportunities to do just that, instead of giving in to the urge to hit back. I remembered my husband's response to the second incident was that if money was what it took to have happiness, my ex-husband and I would still be married, and without saying it that way, that was the message that I was able to convey to my son. That God, not money, is what it takes to be happy. The other point God made, was the rest of His answer to my prayer. In that first story, He gave me the seed. My children's stepmother reads my blog.

So, to her, I say this. I am truly sorry that I was angry with you, even though you probably never knew it, and might not have cared had you known. Thank you for taking so much of your time to care for my children when they cannot be here with me. You will probably never know how much of a blessing I consider your presence in their lives, and I hope that God will bless you and their father with happiness and love, and that He will fill you with His grace and peace. Thank you too, for reminding me of my obligation to share my beliefs with my kids, and my obligation to God to be obedient and get back to writing this blog as He asked me to do.

To the rest of you, remember that God uses all things for the good. May He bless and keep each one of you until we meet again. See you next Sunday!

God's Answer to Prayer

2006-02-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in a while, and I wanted to drop you a line, and share a little story that I thought you'd appreciate. I hope you and yours are doing well. And if you're having a rough time, I hope this helps lift your spirits.

Last month, I spent more than 1200 getting my van fixed from several different breakdowns. Between that, and various other difficulties, we've been really broke. It seems like every time we started catching up, something else went wrong. Well, last week, the van's transmission started doing something weird on Friday when I went to get the boys. Corey added some transmission fluid, and I went off to work, stressed out, knowing we were going to have to fix it again, and that there was probably something wrong with the water pump too. When I got off work, I spent the entire drive home praying. First, that I'd make it home without trouble, and then just about everything. I felt sad, discouraged, overwhelmed, stressed. And I hated it, and knew I shouldn't feel like that. So, I gave it all over to God. I asked him if he'd let me win the lottery, and if that wasn't possible, or wise, or meant to be, for whatever reason, if he'd please just see his way clear to getting me a more reliable vehicle. I spent a lot of time saying thank you, and asking for peace, and help in letting go of the worry I knew I didn't need to feel. And asking that he help me to remember that he was in control, and that he would give us all we needed. I made it home alright, and I felt a lot better to boot.

Sunday morning, I almost skipped church again, for the fourth week in a row, but the kids really wanted to go to youth group, and I had really been wanting to tell Albie, one of the guys there that has also written a book, about Lulu.com, in case he wanted to try self publishing. I had also made a promise at the end of last year that I would give $10 a month, which isn't much, but was something, and I knew I could keep that promise. And I had missed enough church lately that I'd fallen behind on my commitment. So, I took my $20, and a few extra so the kids could eat breakfast there, and I could donate to the coffee fund. I was so glad to be back in church, I couldn't help crying a little when the music started. I was startled and happy to know that people missed us when we were gone. But I didn't see Albie before the service started.

He came us beside me during the music, and said he'd been thinking about me last week, and meaning to talk to me. He asked if I'd gotten a new vehicle, I guess I must have mentioned that we were having trouble with ours a few months ago when a group of us went to LA. I said no, that actually we'd been having quite a bit of trouble with it last month. And then the most amazing thing happened. I hadn't talked to Albie in weeks, I hadn't mentioned the van to him then, and I hadn't mentioned it to anyone else except that morning that I recall. And he said to me, we have a 1994 Town & Country that needs some brake work, but is otherwise in good shape. It's just taking up space in my driveway. If you'd be willing to fix it up, you can have it. I was speechless. I threw my arms around him and burst into tears, and after a moment or two he said I take it that's a yes.

I picked up the van today from his wife Cheryl at their house. In the meantime, the fan belt on our old van broke. I've been getting rides to and from work this week. Not only has there always been someone willing to give me a lift, my boss actually offered to give me a ride today on her day off to go pick up the van when I mentioned that I was trying to work out how to get from my house to theirs. I have told several people this story at work, and it has not failed to get a smile, and lift a spirit. The brakes definitely need some work, but God also took care of the rent I was worried about this week. He made sure the fan belt didn't break until after I managed to get the electric bill paid and pick the boys up from school. He made sure my neighbor was home so I could ask for a ride on Monday, when it did break. And I know he'll make sure we can get the brakes, and whatever else we need to do done. Albie even offered to loan us the money for the brakes if it wound up being too expensive. My heart is filled with awe and gratitude. My mind is stunned at the enormity of God's abilities, and the grace and generosity of the people who follow him. And my soul just sings. I was going to write a different entry for my blog, but I think this sums it up nicely. So, I'll put the ending here that I would have put there. Some days, God works in subtle ways in our lives. Some days, we have to strain to see his hand. Some days he just awes us with his open, immediate and very blatant responses to our needs. Remember though, that he is there working, every minute, every day. Cherish the big miracles, and let them help you and remind you when you have to look harder to see them. May God love you and keep you always in his hands.

The Lord is My Shepherd

2005-12-29T02:33:00.000-05:00

Hello Folks! I hope you made it through Christmas with a full and happy heart, and with the rememberance of God's greatest gift to us. The Christ child was born! What greater reason for celebration can there be? I know it's been a week since last I wrote, and I must apologize. The new job is fun, but I'm still settling into the routine. But an experience last week is what has been nudging my mind the last few days, and I'd like to share it with you.

It was Wednsday. I had decided to help at work with a paid party in the morning, and I hadn't taken a day off since I'd started the Tuesday before. I was still learning the ropes, but up until then had been holding my own fairly well with my tables. I'd been having a good time, and with the exception of dropping a plate of food over the weekend, nothing had gone really wrong yet. All that was about to change...

The party lasted longer than I had anticipated, and I didn't have as much time to run errands between the end of it and my shift. But, all the kids were here at the time, and I still needed to go shopping so there'd be something for dinner. I got home with less than a half hour to get back to work on time. I was a little rushed, but still doing alright. I got to work, and was feeling pretty upbeat, but I'd forgotten my cold medicine, and the anti inflamatory I'd been taking if I started to get too sore during a shift. Oh well, no big deal. I was sure I'd survive the night, no problem.

I found out what tables I had, and was a little disconcerted to realize that I had three tables in the bar area. And that those tables ran on a first come first serve basis, so for about an hour and a half, I really didn't have much to do besides help run food and keep the side work in the kitchen up to date (for those of you who have worked in a restaurant, you know what I mean, for the rest of you, it's all the little things that have to be done on a running basis all night long, or there is no ice for drinks, no butter for bread, no ketchup for fries, tea, coffee, etc.) So, I was trucking along, a little disappointed because I figured the tips would be a little short of what I'd hoped for to go shopping with for Christmas dinner fixings, but still happy to help out where I could.

Then it hit. One of my tables got seated, and I did my speil, took drink orders, even sold alcohol, which I hadn't done much of to that point. All went smoothly, and another table got sat. Still doing okay, keeping up, then the other table got sat, and I was running, but overall doing alright. Got the first folks closed out, and the table got reseated almost instantly, and then the second and third were right behind. Suddenly, I had three tables that were busy all at the same time, instead of the seatings being staggered by a couple of minutes. I started to realize why I should appreciate the hostesses.

I was running along, and realized there was a problem with one of the tables. I had delayed too long in getting their tickets in, and when their stuff finally arrived, it wasn't right. Meanwhile, one of the other tables was apparently having a problem that they didn't inform me of, but instead mentioned to the manager, and then walked out. And then the third table, while the first was still waiting for the manager to go speak with them, informed me that their appetizer had been overcooked. I went and requested another, and was running all over, and didn't realized I should have taken their bread out for them so they'd have something to eat while they waited. The kitchen area was suddenly slammed because it was the middle of the rush. The person getting the food ready to send out to the tables was hollering for runners, getting ticked if we walked out empty handed, but at the same time, it was taking precious time away from getting things resolved with my tables that I knew were having trouble. The manager still didn't get over to the first table to be having trouble, and they were beyond ready to leave. The second table having a problem walked out without paying their tab. The bartended snapped because one of the people at my table had walked up to the bar to get a refill on their drink, instead of waiting for me to come back, and suddenly there were too many people needing too many things, and something snapped. My eyes started tearing up, and I really didn't have time for a good cry.

In short, I hadn't gotten enough rest, I'd been pushing too hard, I didn't take my lack of experience into account, and I failed to recognize the problems before they could get to the point where they were a disaster. Truthfully, not all of it was my fault. The manager was slow off the ball in dealing with both tables that really went wrong, even after I asked him twice for help. That's not supposed to happen. The kitchen was slow getting the meals out, even taking into account that I was behind getting the first tickets in. None of that mattered. I'd screwed up, worse, I'd let it stress me out, and it had triggered a bout of claustrophobia, which in turn kicked over a panic attack, something I have thankfully not had to deal with in more than two years thanks to God's grace and peace.

That right there should have made it a truly lousy night, from which I could find nothing redeeming. The manager wound up comping two of my checks in their entirety, had to take the appetizer off another (not entirely my fault, it was overcooked the first time not late), the proprietor (the one prepping food) was in a foul mood, that bartender was pissed at me, and I was making an absolute fool of myself in front of people I'd know just over a week and had to work with every day. So, I dropped everything, hit the bathroom, gave myself thirty seconds to loose my mind, and walked back out. I did manage not to cry while on the floor, and as soon as the two people who had worked with me at the party realized I'd gone around the bend, they immediately kicked into high gear to give me a hand. One took the table that had just gotten reseated, again, and the other helped me catch up on running drinks and just generally patted me on the back, told me it was okay, and checked in on me to make sure I was doing okay. One of them must have said something to the manager, because he came by shortly thereafter and also told me not to worry about it, that he'd taken care of it, and everything was fine now.

All of that, in itself, was pretty cool. It's nice to know that even in such a short time I'd become a part of the team, and that I wasn't getting slammed for screwing up. But do you want to hear the absolute coolest part? When I took the food out to the last big table, the one with the bad appetizers, one of the lady's said to me, "We're going to say grace before our meal, is there anything we can pray for you about?" You could have knocked me over with a feather. People pray all the time, many of them in restaurants, and I know many people make expressions of their faith in just that manner, but that was the very first time that someone outside my church, my family, my friends, or the occassional Jehovah's Witness who comes to my house, has asked to pray for me. I asked them to pray for no stress of the holidays. I couldn't think of anything else right then, my mind blanked. The first thing that came to mind was that the night would be done, and I could go home before I made a total fool of myself in front of the customers as well as the staff, but you really don't want to tell your guests that you're having a nervous breakdown. The next thing that came to my mind though was this. God speaks to us always. If we are open, he speaks whenever we need him. And if we are closing up, sometimes he speaks very clearly just to be sure he gets through. Just the act of them asking to pray for me had been an answer to my desparate, ongoing, silent, tearful prayer of simply Please. That is the one when I have no idea what I need, no idea what to do, and the only thing I know is that I'm over my head, and sinking fast. It started running the first time I asked the manager to talk to the table that had been waiting, and hadn't stopped. Until that lady asked to pray for me. Right then, in the midst of still kicking myself for the screw ups one on top of another, the stress started to go away, the help was there, and I could breath again. God simply said, "I'm here" with her words, and that was all the reminder I needed.

So, I learned two things that night. First, I work in a pretty good place with a lot of good people. Second, God works there too. And no matter how messed up it gets, not matter how crazy the night, no matter the crisis, even one as silly as that one looking back, his hand is at work, and he's looking out for me. So, to the lady who offered to pray for me, if you ever come across this, please know I've said a prayer or six of thanks for you, and if you are looking to pray for me again, just make it a Thank You to God, because he rocks, and I couldn't make it without him. To the rest of you, have a safe and Happy New Year, and remember to pray silently, out loud, for your server at the restaurant, or wherever else you may be. You never know when someone else will hear God's words through you. May his peace and love bless you always.

The power of God's Love

2005-12-20T01:05:00.000-05:00

I have so many ideas running around in my head to tell you all about, that picking one today has been a doozy. But, I decided to go back to the Bible reading theme for this post. Liberty Hill bulletins have a memory verse in them each week, as well as in the newsletter. While I'm truly lousy at memorizing them, I do make it a point to read them. And as a result, I've decided that Romans has absolutely got to be the next book of the Bible I tackle.

Romans 8:38-39 says "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Isn't that totally cool? When I first read this, I thought, wow. God will love me no matter how bad I screw up, no matter how many times I fall down, no matter how many times I break the rules intentionally or otherwise, no matter how obnoxious, tired, sad or sorrowful. No matter how many times He has to spank me, or pick up the pieces of my life. God loves me anyway, and nothing on earth can come between him and me but myself.

Now, that in and of itself is pretty neat. But as I reread the verses, something else struck me. Go back and look at it again, and see if you catch it.

God does not just say that demons, death, depth or past and present acts cannot separate you from God's love. It also mentions angels, life, the future and heights specifically in those lines. That seemed a little odd to me. Why would angels try to separate me from God? Why would life, the future, or heights (I'm guessing this is probably metaphorical for good times) separate me from God's love. Aren't these things blessings? Wouldn't they serve to bring me closer to God, and cause me to feel his love more deeply? Perhaps, but consider most people's patterns of behavior. When life is trucking along nicely, everything is going well, and you are content, what do most people do? Do we fall on our knees and give thanks? Do we spend the day in communion with God, praising him and recognizing his love and guidance in our lives? For those of us who have grown close to God, and who have formed the habit of always talking to him, and have learned to count our blessings, this may be exactly what we do. But for most people (and I include myself here), we roll right along in our lives, not paying much attention, thinking we're doing pretty good. And we fall into praying to God in the evening and morning, and showing up on Sunday morning, and letting God get on with his things while we get on with ours. Until we get in over our heads and find ourselves in despair again. After a long time of this type of relationship with God, we start to take Him for granted. We start to go through the motions, without actually feeling His love in our hearts and lives. We start to drift away, and His heart hurts knowing that it will probably take some real hardship to overcome the indifference that comes between us.

It is easy to see how hardships, demons, death, past and present acts and depths of darkness and despair could keep us from God's love if we let them. Humans, for some reason, have an overwhelming desire to hide the grief, guilt, and fears from everyone around them, but most especially from those they love and those who love them. We wrap ourselves in stoicism, independence and brittle human strength, and build walls around our emotions to protect the people in our lives, and our own hearts from the frailty those perceived weaknesses represent. In doing that, we forget that God loves us unconditionally, and He is strength personified. There is nothing in our lives too big or too hard for him to take. There is no sin too dreadful for him to forgive. Because while our loved ones are also only human, and sometimes need to be able to step back, God isn't human. He's, well, He's God.

It is harder to see how the good things happening in your life can lead you to separate yourself from God's love and grace. It's gradual, it's insidious, and you don't even notice something is wrong. Then you start to become aware of an empty place in your soul, a longing for something, and you probably won't even notice what. And your heart hurts. You ignore it, but it just gets worse. You try to fill it with other things, but it stays empty. And suddenly you look at your life, at all the good things, and they just aren't enough. Worst of all, because you are still going through the motions, giving your morning and evening prayers to God, and going to church on Sunday, you probably won't even realize it's Him you miss so much.

Wow, all that from two little Bible verses. But, here's the good news. If you look you can see all the myriad ways we have of distancing ourselves from God's love. Now, go back and read that again. Not even the whole thing, you can skip the middle. Here, I'll type out what it boils down to:

"I am convinced that there is nothing in Heaven or Earth that can separate us from the love of God."

Pretty simple. We can hold ourselves apart from God. But He'll wait us out. He'll nudge us along. And most of all, as soon as we open our hearts to Him, He'll fill us with His love. That was the promise of Christ's birth, and well worth remembering as we come closer the celebrating his birthday more than 2000 years later. So, in all your spare moments, remember to thank him, even for your trials and heartaches. Remember to praise him with each thought, word and deed. Remember to lay your troubles, hurts and fears at his feet, cry on his shoulder, and nestle down in his lap when you need to rest. He hears and sees it all, He knows it anyway, hiding and pretending won't make a difference, except to how you feel. Isn't it just awesome to know that at least one being knows you inside and out, and absolutely adores you just as you are?

May your heart always be open, so that it will always be filled with God's love and Grace.

Back to Work

2005-12-17T23:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, folks, I must apologize. I've fallen down on the job the last few weeks, and at least one of you have graciously scolded me to get back to it. So, here I am, and I am not entirely sure what I want to tell you.

The last week has been tremendously busy here, as I'm sure yours have been as well with Christmas looming on the horizon. I started that waitressing job, and I'm almost done with training. And I have to say, God could not have blessed me with a better work place. The people are incredible, the work is hard but enjoyable, and I'm good at it. God has blessed me with my kids for the next week of vacation, and it's going to be hectic, but a blast. He's blessed us with income to meet the needs of the bills that were starting to make my stomach knot. In other words, he rocks big time.

So, since this is a wonderous time of year, that for some reason people seem to lose their minds over, let me offer some simple advice as we move closer to the holidays.

Stop worrying about the gifts. If you have them already, great, if you don't God will give you the time, money and energy to get what you need, if not always what you want. And, really, it's not about that anyway. If you are like me, having a bit of a financial cramp, you may be feeling sad about not getting your little one the biggest, noisiest, most beeps and buttons toy on their list. You know, the one they've been just begging for. Or, if you are having a nice financial boom, you may be about ready to yank your hair out from the roots because the crowds in the stores are enough to raise blood pressure and test the patience of Job. But Christmas is about God's gift to us, the birth of his Son to save us from eternal darkness and despair. Each and every time you want to cry, or scream, or just smack the person in front of you at the check out right upside the head, take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and ask God's blessing on those around you, and his peace for yourself. You may have to do it a couple time, but once you get the hang of it, you'll feel better.

Got family coming into town, or just over for dinner? Perhaps not all of you get along, or you're stressed about what your in laws will think about the house/dinner/decorations/kids etc. Don't worry about it. Remind yourself daily, hourly, by the minute and second that you are celebrating God's love, and the rest is nice, it's comforting, and can be exciting, but it's only the trappings not the point. We gather together at Christmas to share our faith, our celebration, and our love with those we care for. If it isn't perfect, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you share God's love with everyone, if you do that, even when your mother in law complains about the turkey being dry, or wishing it were ham, or whatever and whoever the crankiness comes from, a good time will be had by all, and God will fill you all with joy. Give the complainers a hug, tell them you love them, and pray.

Are you alone for Christmas, maybe far from home? Perhaps your loved one is far away in distance or even in death. That can hurt deeply at this time of year, when you feel sadness trying to overwhelm you while all those around you seem cheerful and bright. Pray. Pray for God's peace, pray for his joy, pray to feel his love. Cry your hurt, sorrow and fear to him. He's listening, he'll hear you, and he loves you. Let him hold you, guide you, and fill you, and I promise, it will all come right. I can make that promise, because that's what He promised us, and He has fulfilled that promise in my life more times that I can count, and many more than I deserved. Sometimes, quiet contemplation isn't enough to bring us closer to him. If praying hasn't fully assuaged the hurt in your heart, find the nearest church or soup kitchen that is giving a Christmas Feast. Volunteer to help serve, or greet, or just make plans to go and sit and be among others in need of his love. It may sound odd, but you may find yourself a part of someone's Christmas miracle, perhaps even your own.

My last bit of advice is this. Smile. God wants us to be joyful in this world. He wants us to share our joy. He wants us to spread the Good News, and what can be better news than the birth of the Son of Man? No matter how tired you are, how sad, cranky, stressed, or frustrated, if you make the effort to smile, to let yourself really feel the smile, it'll make you feel better. And who knows, your smile just may be the face of God to some lost soul at Christmastime.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Years to you and all those you hold dear.

The Glass is Half Full so My Cup Runneth Over

2005-12-03T01:13:00.000-05:00

I've noticed today that the Good Lord blessed me with an ingrained positive attitude, and he could not have given me a greater gift. I've been looking for a job lately, and those of you who've done this before, will realize what I mean when I say it can be daunting. I've found it particularly intimidating because not only have I not had to look for a job in over eight years, the last two jobs I've had have been less than conventional.

So, I went to write a resume (the file mysteriously disappeared from my computer), and as I was writing it up, I realized I had a problem. I have had a broad range of experience, not all work related, but I don't really specialize in anything. References are difficult because I've worked from home for the last seven years. And one other small hurdle, I have no idea exactly what I want to do. This makes for some serious doubts, fears, and possibly even depression if not viewed with just the right attitude.

As I've learned to do in my life these past few years, I've been praying for guidance, opportunity, and mainly that God would smack me upside the head with what I'm supposed to be doing as I can be a little thick witted when it comes to modest hints at the right direction. I was getting a little worried, and feeling a little down. And then, the lovely optimism God gifted me with (with much help from my awesome mother) kicked in. I realized that I do have a broad range of experience, and skills. This gives me a choice of what kind of job I want. I have a good brain, a good work ethic, and an upbeat personality, which gives me a lot to offer any company I choose to work for. And even the fact that I don't know what I want to do is not a bad thing. It means that I really don't have any preconceived notion of what I am, and therefore have a lot better chance of liking whatever job I finally get, and it gives me the chance to try something I either haven't done before, or wouldn't ordinarily see myself doing. Those are all pretty good things.

I've got a second interview tomorrow, get this to wait tables. Sounds like a very teenage thing to do, right? Perhaps, but consider this, I had to pass two tests to get to a second interview. It's a nice restaurant, where waitstaff make pretty decent tips. It's immediate money. And above all other things, it does two things. It gets me out and around people, which I desperately need after seven years working from home, and of all the jobs I've had, waiting tables was the most fun. So, is it perfect? I don't know. But I'm pretty sure that if I get it, it's where I need to be right now for whatever reason. And I'll be pleased as punch about it. Not because it's glamorous, not because it's prestigious, not because it's easy. But simply because it's my job, and I try to be pleased about whatever I'm doing. Life is so much more enjoyable if you take the glass is half full approach, and our cup will only run over if we accept the blessings where an when they come with a joyful and happy heart.

So as you go through your day, remember there doesn't have to be a cloud to have a silver lining, and God gives you all you need. It's up to you to be happy with it. God bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Practical Religion

2005-11-30T16:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, so perhaps you were wondering why I used that as the URL for this blog. Or then again, maybe not. But, I'll tell you anyway, as it's what's on my heart today. As I have lived over the years, and observed the faithful that I have known, and listened to what they say and do, and what I myself have done, I have come to some simple conclusions.

Organized religion did its congregants a disservice somewhere along the lines when they instituted mass, and elevated priests, preachers, or whatever other leaders of the church. Now don't get me wrong. God commanded us to meet with each other, and fellowship together. He makes it a point through out scripture that we are stronger when we come together with others of faith than we are by ourselves. I don't object to church. As a matter of fact, I actively enjoy going to church. I consider it the highlight of my week a lot of times, and a blessing at all times. But the problem I noticed is this: when we fall into the habit of going to church it does some very negative things to us.

First, it is too easy to fall into the rut of believing that as long as you attend service on Sunday (or Saturday depending on your faith), you are fulfilling your duty to God.
Second, it is too easy to use non-attendance to condemn those who don't go, and point to that as a reason to judge them harshly.
Third, too many of us walk into church and do one of two things, dump all of our troubles for the week at this feet, or leave our troubles at the door so they don't interfere with God's time.
Fourth, and worst in my opinion, after we get out of church, we take our troubles right back up, and go try to run our lives, until the next service.

Talk about a recipe for misery. In Christianity, as you read the Bible, God tells us over and over again, lean not unto your own understanding, pray without ceasing, Oh ye of little faith. Jesus tells us over and over that God loves us, that God watches over us, that God takes care of us. That with God all things are possible, and without him we are doomed to failure. So why, then, do so many of His followers seem to believe they only need God for an hour a week, or perhaps a little better an hour on the weekend, and five minutes in the morning and evening? Please don't think I am being overly critical. I have been guilty of this same mind set in my life. And every time I find myself falling victim to it again, I quickly watch my life fall down around my ears.

I don't think church was meant to be a restriction on God, but that is what it has all too often turned into over the years, sometimes in individual churches, and sometimes institutionally as happened with the Roman Catholic church many years ago, and they are slowly recovering from now. We as Christians, need to change the face of our church, and it starts by changing our own hearts, and our own interactions with God.

I have been so blessed. I first found a church that was more traditionally oriented, focused on attendance, but still quietly encouraged constant communion with God. This church gave me a place to heal during the worst point in my life. It gave me a place to go and feel God's love and compassion, in an environment that held memories of His comforting presence in my childhood. When I had healed enough, and grown beyond what I needed there, one of the people there directed me to a new church nearer my new home.

This new church, the one I still attend, is by no means traditional. They have a rock band for music, the preacher has been known to sit on the stage in a kayak, and we just recently moved from the theater at the local art center to the auditorium of the local High School for services. But the message they teach could not be more dear to my heart, or more in line with what I know of God. It is a mission church. It is a place where people come together not just to pray, or hear the word of God, although that is of course a part of it. But to get instruction on maintaining that communion with God, that openness to his direction, and the surrender He wants from us, we go to learn how to be "at church" 24 hours a day 7 days a week. More churches need to advocate this. More churches and religious leaders need to make it clear that God does NOT just want us for an hour a week, but all day every day. He wants us to bring him our troubles, bring him our trials, and lay them at his feet. He wants us to sing His praises, to share His joy with every breath we take. Mostly, He wants us to know His love and peace each and every second of our lives.

So, as you leave Bible study tonight, or depart from Church on Sunday, remember that prayer and communion with God do not require an altar, they do not require a pastor, nor a choir, nor any other earthly thing. They simply require an open, willing, broken and surrendered heart. This is the gift He gives me every day, and I hope you'll hold it as dearly as I do.

Paying Attention to God's Word

2005-11-29T07:49:00.000-05:00

You know, I must admit, that I have never read the Bible all the way through. For me, this has caused me particular chagrin, as I've read literally thousands of books in my life. And my daughter has read it cover to cover three times. But, for some reason, I have always had a mental block about the Bible. I think it might be because I've always disliked reading non-fiction, and as the Word of God, the Bible always fell into that category.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've read parts of the Bible, and I've made several attempts to read all of it, but I always seemed to get stuck somewhere along the way. At first, I tried the start at the beginning approach, and wound up stuck in Genesis in the begat section. In more recent years, I've tried starting with the Apostles in the New Testament. By the time I've hit John, I'm pretty much through. I kept telling myself, I'd get back to it eventually, and in the meantime, I knew all I needed to know, or would hear it in church. We all know the really important stories, right? About Jesus' life, about the early years of the Isrealites. And the Beatitudes. So, it wasn't really important that I read the Bible, right?

Well, since I've been asking God for direction in my life a lot lately, and since one of those directions seemed to be sharing his impact on my life, I decided I might get a clearer picture of what I was supposed to be doing if I started looking to His Word again. Especially since I was beginning to wonder if this was one of the sillier ideas I'd come up with, rather than something he'd been calling me to. So, I started in the New Testament again, but instead of going back over the Apostles, as I've read those first four books several times, I started with Acts. And WOW!

Have you guys ever read Acts? Do you know what it's about? I really didn't. I'd heard the story of the beggar at the Beautiful Gate. And I'd heard the story of the Holy Spirit visiting the Disciples. And I'd heard a few things here and there from the book. But when I started reading last night, do you know what I realized was the main theme in that book? It was about Peter, Saul, Stephen, Barnabas, and more that I can't remember the name of. It was about the Ethiopian Eunuch, and Peter being called to Baptize the Gentiles. But the overall theme, the one thing that ran through each story was this. It was about the believers in Christ Jesus getting out into the whole world, beyond their fellows, beyond their homes, beyond their people even, which was a huge deal back then, and spreading the word that the Messiah had come, and that whoever believed in him would have everlasting life. It was all about spreading the Good News.

Now, the believers among you, who have lived your life by faith, will know what I mean when I say all I could think was WOW, talk about giving me a clear message. You will smile, and think to yourself, isn't it cool when God talks to you?

While the skeptics among you will go, So, what's the big deal? The Bible's been around for 2000 years, it's not like it was written just for you, and it's not like the same message wasn't there last week. And for those of you shaking your head, thinking I'm crazy, consider this. The Bible is called the Living Word of God, not because it changes to meet the times. Not because the message in it is any different today than it was 2000 years ago. It is the Living Word because it contains God's message to each and every one of us, on a personal level, that we will read and understand at precisely the time we are ready for it. Don't believe me? Then why did I start with the book of Acts yesterday, when my question had to do with what I was being called to do as a Christian? Why, when my life has been overwhelming, and I have been shaken to my very core, did my Bible fall open the Jesus' words about "Oh ye of little faith..." I can't even tell you where to find those words in the Bible. But I can tell you that when I have cried in the darkness, when I have lost all hope, when despair has been my closest companion, and I turned to the Bible at last for comfort, those were the words that were given to me at that precise moment. "Oh ye of little faith, the father made the birds of the sky, and they never want for food. He made the flowers in the field, and clothed them in majesty. Are you not many times more important than the bird or the flower, so will he not do as much for you?" or something to that effect. These days I always imagine that as a wise older brother, shaking his head with a wry smile as he reminds a younger sibling of something totally obvious.

So, God has blessed me with a voice, and given me a mission to spread the Good News. Today's advice, read your Bible, even if you've read it before, you'll learn something new. What has he done for me lately? He's given me a seven year old who asks to say his prayers out loud on the way to school in the morning. He's given me a husband who didn't tell me I was nuts when I decided to start this. He's given me a daughter who chose to volunteer with us to help our church's community dinner on Thanksgiving rather than go stay with her Dad's parents and be served. Those are just a few things, I could go on for pages. And, he's blessed me with Google, with their wonderful Blog tool, and their AdSense program for my website, yeah! He is truly magnificent, and I can't wait to see what He has for me to share with you next time!

The Power of Prayer

2005-11-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

I posted this previously on another site I visit often, but it is so appropriate to what I am trying to share with this blog that I had to put it here too. I hope the story helps give you hope for any similar situations you are in or may be in later on. God truly is awesome, and only waits for our acceptance to do amazing things in our lives.

A little while back, I posted a prayer request on here for my, well, ex-mother in law is probably the right term, but doesn't quite cover how I feel about her.

For three years, there has been a rift between us. I don't think I realized at first, when I separated from my ex-husband, that it not only meant the loss of my marriage, but also the loss of much of my family.

Pam had been my best friend for seven years, and my mom, too. My Mom, the one I grew up with, lives in Virginia, which some days seems a world away. And Pam was here. She was the one I went to when I needed a hug, when I needed to talk, when I was lost and needed to feel loved. And she was the one who would talk to me about what was going on in her life, the stresses, fears, and joys.

When my husband and I split, it was abuse related, and that made it necessary. But it also made it so much harder for her. The first month we kept in touch, talked, and were still fairly close. But shortly after, we had a rather big arguement, and she accused me of lying to give myself an excuse to leave my ex. Not only did I feel gut punched, because she knew me better than that, but I could also see how trying to deal with it was tearing her up, and I made the choice to stay away, and try to keep her out of the middle of the split.

For three years the loss of her has sat in the back of my mind, and weighed on my heart. At first I was mad. But it didn't take long for that to go away. And finally, I just wanted her to know that I loved her, and wished that she could love me. But I didn't know how to bridge that gap. I tried to write to her once early on, and again a few months ago, after the divorce finally became final, and things had settled down. I did not hear back from her, and I had pretty much given up. At least I knew that she knew I loved her, and understood, and wasn't angry, and that was what I thought was most important.

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that they believed she had suffered two minor strokes. And I couldn't help crying. That was when I had posted a prayer request here, and I want to thank all of you who responded to that. I did send her a card with a note, I don't know if she got it before I saw her.

This past weekend, I finally managed to get my two sons from that marriage Baptized. I invited their Dad and his family to come, but did not think Pam would make it, as she still isn't feeling quite up to par, and it was an outside service that day. But when we arrived, not only my ex and his fiance were there, but Pam, and my ex's sister and his neice were there as well, whom I also haven't seen in three years. It was awesome to get a chance to see my neice (I still think of her that way) and how much she's grown, and for my older two kids to get to see her, as they had been friends. And it was wonderful to get the chance to give Pam a hug, which she initiated.

On the health issue, they tested her, and determined that it wasn't strokes that affected her, but they have as yet been unable to determine the problem.

On the other, God is so totally awesome, and I am so totally humbled by his grace. The simple act of being able to tell this woman, whom I have loved as a mother and friend for so long that I love her and miss her, was a gift. That she told me that she loved me too, and that I was like a daughter to her was a balm to my soul that I had not even realized needed that healing so badly. Even if I don't get the chance to see or talk to her anymore, and the healing goes no further than those simple words, it is enough. And I am so grateful that God gave me the courage to ask that she come, and to try to reach out when I did. Five years ago, I would never have dreamed I'd see my ex at a church service, nor my neice and his sister. And yet, by God's grace, we all came together in his presence, to witness my son's accepting him, young as they are, and he healed so much that was broken.

I learned again, though I've been pretty strong in my faith for a while now, that God answers prayers, and performs miracles every day if we only pay attention. And that through him, ALL things truly are possible.

The Coincidence of God

2005-11-27T16:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in my seat this morning, listening to Josh, he's our Pastor. He's telling us a story, and I realize he's talking about exactly what I'd been praying about as I rushed through my shower getting ready to head to church. I've been a little worried the last few weeks. My faith has been a little squishy, as I've tried and tried to figure out what I wanted to do about our finances. What kind of job do I want? What kind of hours do I want to work? Do I want to work full time or part time? Do I want to try to find a work at home job again? Do I want... Do you sense a pattern here?

My husband and I run a home based business. It's been growing pretty steadily since we started it two years ago, and we're pretty happy doing something we like, and getting to stay home with the kids. Now, when we started, I had another job, which I also was blessed enough to do from home. When if finally became so erratic that I was missing deadlines because I couldn't plan my work schedule, and the work was often scarce enough that there wasn't any for extended periods of time, it was time to quit and move on to something else. After much discussion and prayer, we decided that I wouldn't find a new job just then. I'd focus on the computer end of our business. We'd been doing most of our sales through eBay to that point, but there is a much larger market out there for custom made historical clothing, instead of pre-made auction stuff, and we wanted to get our website really up and running. I had been slowly learning for a few years before that to trust God, and that he would point us where we needed to go, and provide what we needed if we'd put our faith in him.

So, we did just that. A fully formed plan to move, take the kids on vacation, and still keep our business going over the summer popped into my head. I must say, sometimes, I am slightly insane, and if this same idea ever occurs to you, think twice, or at least plan better than I did. We did these things, and traded our old van for an older one while we were 1400 miles from home. We left our old house, without a new one to come back to, and took five kids and a dog from Georgia to South Dakota, and then down to Florida. It was fun, and something they will remember for the rest of their lives. It was also a little, hmm what's the word, overwhelming? No. Nerve-wracking? No. Utterly and completely terrifying? Yep, I do believe that's what I was looking for. It was utterly and completely terrifying to come home to Georgia without having a home to come to, and with only a week until school started. We'd planned to camp. It was part of the plan. We'd just hoped to have at least some leads on a house by then, and perhaps a little more than a wing and a prayer for a deposit.

So, as my sub-conscious tried to make me hyperventilate, my heart told me to pray. And I did. I prayed all day while we drove around looking for a house. We checked all the areas we'd checked before with little or no luck. We saved the one place we really wanted to move for last, which also happened to be the one place we had never seen a for rent sign. I was ready to give up. We'd driven all over town, and were just heading back to the camp ground. My heart was heavy because I had to have a place lined up that day, or I was sure disaster would befall me when I took my six and seven year old to visit their father the next day. The custody battle had been long and bitter, and over for less than a year. I could just imagine his reaction to my "homelessness". With a heavy heart, I headed toward the highway, and then I saw it. An answer to my prayers. There was a for rent sign. The house had a pool, it was within our budget, and available within a few days. God is so very good, and disaster had been averted.

Now back to this morning, well almost. When we made the decision for both of us to work on our business, it was with the knowledge that I might need to find a job when the slow season kicked in. And that's where we are now. For the last three weeks or a little more, I've been praying, God, find me a job. God, point me in the right direction for a job. God, I need to pay for this, that, and a thousand other things. God, I want a steady paycheck. God, I want to be done with worrying about this. God, I want a job. God, I want... Do you see a pattern developing again? So this morning it hit me, as I was thinking about whether or not I'll get the job I interviewed for last week. I was praying to God that I would, even as part of me cringes at the thought. Not because it's a bad job, it's not. But because I'm not sure it's what I'm supposed to be doing. So, finally, I prayed instead, God, thy will be done. And what's more, God, let my wants coincide with your will, instead of me trying to make you will me my wants.

And lo and behold, I walk into church this morning, and Josh is telling us about the things we want. But that it's not about what we want. It's not about giving others what they want. It's not about shopping, it's not about works, it's not about programs to help those less fortunate. It's about doing His will, sharing His message, and trusting Him to do the rest.

So, now I sit here this afternoon, and realize that one thing he's been trying to tell me to do for a long time is share my faith, my questions, my life however I can. And I remembered that I saw a Blog tool on Google. And so, here I am, to share my guide to practical religion. I am not a saint. I am not a preacher. I am not a prophet. And God knows I do not have all the answers. I am simply a fellow traveller who hopes to share the absolutely amazing things God does in my life every single day. So, my friends, I hope you enjoy the walk with me, and the peace, joys, sorrows and miracles we find along the way.

God Bless you and keep you in his light and his peace.